A Life in Stories

A Final Post

2010-11-24T04:43:00.000-08:00

I think this will be my final post here. Time to move in another direction.

This is a true story and I will keep it brief; for the full version, you will have to get in touch with me. It was back in 1977 probably near the start of the holiday season and I was teaching at the Melrose Day Care Center. A local printer donated some high quality paper, just about the kind used to make greeting cards. So I cut the paper into small sheets, about 5 x 7 or so and put them out with water colors for the kids to paint on. The results were amazing! Each painting was a kaleidoscope of colors with much more depth than the typical white paper or recycled paper we usually used. With my limited knowledge of art, it looked to me that they could have been painted by Picasso. The kids must have made about fifty of them. Realizing how nice they looked, I recognized the potential to fold them in half and use them for greeting cards. So, I admit, I took some home. Back then, I wrote poetry. So, I took a poem I wrote for the holidays and with my shaky handwriting wrote out holiday cards to a small number of friends using these Picasso-like water colors. A few years ago, I got a Christmas card from my old friends, Jeff and Trish and in the card, addressed to an "old friend", they told me that every year at Christmas, they would take out the card and read it. Last month while in New Orleans at my son's wedding, I got an email from my friend Eric; he told me that while cleaning out his attic, he came upon a card that I had sent him many years ago. Eric and I were student teachers at Melrose Day Care and the only two men in the Wheelock grad program in 1975-76. I knew right away what he was talking about. Some of you may have the original (if you've known me since then); hold onto it, it might be worth something! For the rest of you who have somehow found your way into my life, here goes (Happy holidays with love and friendship):

Old Friends

Old friends come home again

As the change of the seasons

And the loving seems to quicken

For a wide range of reasons.

There can be softness in the winter air

There can be quiet in the midst of storm

There is peace with the words of those who care

There are arms in which to feel safe and warm.

In the shadows of the memories

There are simple pleasures

And in the patches of grief

We find strengths to later measure

Wintertime thoughts of spring

Remain a simple treasure.

Old friends come home again

To the cities’ lonely winter reaches

And the loving seems to quicken

With tales in rhyme of distant beaches.

There are scars from other years

And scenes replayed in other words

In worlds of sunset flocking birds

And wondrous highs and vivid fears.

Old friends come home again

To listen close and take your hand

And the loving seems to quicken

With visions of a magic land

Old friends come home again

As the change of seasons

And the loving seems to quicken

For a wide range of reasons

Is There Ever Really Any Closure

2010-02-07T09:48:00.000-08:00

My father has been gone for almost six months now. I think that I finally adjusted to life without his physical presence. At times, it hasn't been easy.

His funeral was more of a memorial service than a traditional Jewish service. A number of people spoke. My brother and his son Alex spoke. His close friends, Stewart, Pedro, and Denise talked about his influence on them and his never-ending belief in them. Ron was a little bit shy speaking in front of an audience, but I know that he shared their feelings. The mayor of Tamarac spoke about my dad's commitment to the city he grew to love. Several of the Sheriff's deputies spoke about my dad's love of service and the joy they had going to lunch with him. His niece spoke about how important he was to her and her family. Julia, his VITAS hospice nurse, and one of the VITAS social workers spoke about him. When they first met him, they thought he volunteered at the nursing home. Only after he started receiving hospice services did they learn that he was a resident. The administrator of the nursing home came; a party planned for his departure was postponed for a couple of hours so that he could attend. My friend, Tom, who has been commuting back and forth to West Palm Beach, was there. I will never forget seeing him in the back row; it made me feel a connection with my friends at home.

I had the chance to talk about the "dad" of my young childhood, the "father" during those turbulent years of the Generation Gap, when we disagreed about many of the big issues, especially the war in Viet Nam. Interestingly though, my father never wavered in his belief in the rights of all. Finally, I spoke about the "friend" I came to know and love, mostly through the relationships with people who came to the funeral, people that I would not have had the opportunity to get to know if not for my father. In becoming friends with them, I got to know my father in ways that I would never have been able to. I appreciated him in ways that started as an obligation and ended as a privilege. As proud of me as he was, or said he was, I became all the more proud of him. Yes, he was stubborn and to some extent selfish, but I learned that people really loved and cared for him, very deeply.

I wished that I had been there for the last few moments of his life and I struggle to remember our last conversation. I think he told me to stop calling so much as I kept waking him up. I promised to call only twice a day.

There have been many days where I felt lost without being able to physically talk with him, to see how he was doing, help him in some small way, tell him that I loved him, and hear him tell me that he loved me and "Keep doing what you're doing."

I try to keep in touch with some of his friends. When I went back down to his condo for the last time, several of us got together at Ron's. I call them from time to time. They are very special people. I draw strength from those relationships as I do from thinking about my father.

For the first few weeks and several months, I wasn't sure what to do with myself. There was a part of me that was missing, whether it was the role of the "good son", the daily phone calls, the occasional argument, the plan to visit again, or just the sense that someone needed me that made it hard to accept his passing. I experienced some very difficult days. Then I started teaching at a local community college. I have been enjoying it. My "professional" life has some passion, again, after quite some time. I am thinking about going back to school, something that my wife says is "about time" and my father would be proud of. (A few years ago, while going through various papers and documents, I found a copy of a letter he wrote to President Bush (W) about me. I never heard from the President, but I realized that my father was, indeed, proud of me.) I think, in fact, I know, he would be proud now and I wish that I could tell him. Then again, I realize that he already knows.

Now, finally, I can think of him and miss him for who he was to me and not for who I thought I was to him. It has taken about six months. And, while the tears may be streaming down my face, there is great joy behind those tears.

Thanks for listening, dad. And, please give mom a hug.

Dad Lives On in Memory Part I

2009-09-06T07:22:00.000-07:00

My dad passed away on the morning of August 16 at at about 3:03. It has been several weeks and those weeks have been without the usual manifestations of time, memory, or movement. I know that I am getting used to the physical world without my father, but he lives on in the memories of many.

I am very fortunate in that I was able to spend a lot of time with my dad, especially in the 8 years since my mother died, and even more so, since his cancer and general health resulted in his placement at the Tamarac Rehabilitation and Health Center in March 2004. Until recently, I kept the calendar on the refrigerator in his apartment at Concord Village, just the way it was that day when I was in Florida to help him resettle in his apartment after a stay at the Health South rehab center nearby. He was never able to stay at Concord Village again. He truly loved Concord Village, serving as the president of his Building 4 for about twenty-three years and also serving on the Recreation Board that oversaw the entire complex. On the refrigerator were an invitation to his grandson's Bar Mitzvah, a photo of my dad and mom at their wedding, and the calendar that detailed his various meetings, doctor appointments, and other commitments. As a family, my wife, my brother, and sister-in-law, we had to figure out what would be best for my dad. We discussed trying to get him to either Massachusetts or New Jersey. We paid little thought to having him stay in Florida. But after talking with several of his friends, it became apparent, at that time, that if he pulled through, why not Florida, and especially Tamarac, a city he loved. After all, it was his home. I wound up staying in Florida for about a month and returned to home and work in mid-April. I still remember saying goodbye that day, wondering why I chose that particular day to get on an airplane and go back home. While I had tears in my eyes, my father, from his wheelchair told me that he would be "all right." and advised me to simply "do the best you can." Earlier he told me about how he saw my mother waiting for him to join her, but it wasn't time. Just about every day, my father and I talked on the telephone and the new phase in our relationship was underway. My dad surprised everyone by putting on weight and getting stronger. He resumed his work with the Broward County Sheriff's office, city of Tamarac, and various other volunteer efforts. The local paper chronicled his work from the rehab, as he was able to come and go. He, in many ways, thrived with the support of friends and the great staff at Tamarac. As a WWII veteran, he especially loved going to the Memorial Day activities.

When I went to Tamarac in February 2007, with his condition deteriorating, once again, our small family had discussed our options and it made the most sense for me to head to Florida and prepare to spend time with him and try to identify what options we had. In the last few weeks of 2006 and at the start of the new year, he began to talk about giving away the few possessions he had and two of his close friends alerted me to how bad his condition was Just the day before I left, the nutritionist called me to inquire about a feeding tube. As it turns out, I flew down during a major snow storm and arrived in Florida without luggage and without sufficient clothing for a very cool few weeks. I wound up buying some sweatshirts and other items at Walmart. I remember calling my brother and a very close friend trying to figure out what I was thinking in going to Florida for the duration. I wasn't sure that I could handle it. When I finally got to see my dad, he was asleep in his room at the nursing home. Prior to this, we referred to it as the "rehab", but now in this condition, it was the "nursing home". His cancer doctor estimated that he had three to six months and so, we prepared for death. Hospice services were put in place, a psychologist began to visit him weekly, and I decided to stay for the duration. My original leave of absence turned into a resignation. My younger son flew in from New Orleans and spent several weeks helping me out, visiting his grandfather, and getting to know him. Fortunately, he was able to experience "Sam Schwartz day" in Tamarac on February 28, 2007. At the Tamarac city hall, he received proclamations from the city of Tamarac and the Broward County Sheriff's Office for all of the work he did on their behalf. At that time, we thought for sure that his volunteer efforts were at an end.

Dad Rests

2009-08-08T07:20:00.000-07:00

I am in Florida, in the waiting area at the nursing home where my father is asleep. Fortunately, there is a wifi connection here. Unfortunately, the signal is very weak in my father's little room, one that he shares with another man.

On the way over, a car passed me and there was one of those stick-on messages on the car's rear window. The message was "In memory of my dad". So it got me to thinking a little, about my dad. He spends most, if not all, of the day in his bed. He goes in and out of sleep. He weighs just under one hundred pounds. His skin is very fragile. When I came down for his birthday, in June, he was very weak, but stayed awake most of the time. Also we were able to go out for dinner on his birthday to Scrubby's, a barbecue and rib place that he loves. Now, just a few weeks later, and I don't know if he will ever get out of bed again. It certainly seems as though we won't be able to get out of here. His skin is too tender and he is just so frail. And yet, he still wants certain things, like certain foods and to be around certain people.

The other night, I picked up some Chinese food and his friends, Stewart, Ron, and Denise stopped by. Last night, it was Nathan's hot dogs, courtesy of the Miami Subs place on University. Today, at Ron's suggestion, we will gather here at 4:30. Ron is a great cook and when I spoke with him yesterday, he was well on his way with some barbecued chicken, macaroni salad, potato salad, etc. I hope that Denise will be able to join us as Stew and Ron (of course) already confirmed. Pedro, my dad's other close friend, will also be here.

As we draw closer to the end of my father's life, I realize how much I will miss him. I realize how important he makes me feel, simply for doing what it seems like I should be doing. Over these past two and one-half years, each time, my father's condition deteriorated, he bounced back, putting on weight, and through sheer force of will or stubbornness, depending on your perception, he put death on hold in favor of whatever life offered. I know that there were several times when I thought we would finally lose him, but this time, I know it is different. I hope he is comfortable and I hope he is not afraid. I gotta get going now.

Alabama Get Away, One Down 999 Places to Go

2009-07-28T03:55:00.000-07:00

As promised, all about our time in Alabama. The ride from New Orleans to Point Clear took about two-and-a-half hours. Point Clear is a beautiful place. Our vacation spot was right on Mobile Bay. We could see Mobile in the distance and we experienced the blessings of beautiful sunsets and the awe of summer thunder and lightning. A few days of swimming, fishing, and enjoying some real summer days was just what the doctor ordered. We also spent some time exploring Point Clear, nearby (about a half hour) beaches, and Fairhope. First, I should tell you that the water in Point Clear is brown; it is clean, but it is brown. From our small dock, we could walk our literally hundreds of yards and the water was still only up to our shoulders. One day, we drove towards Gulf Shores and spent an afternoon at a wonderful beach, with great sand and the blue-green water we associate with the beach. In fact, the sand was singing, reminding those of us from Massachusetts of Singing Sands!

We fell in love with Fairhope. What a great place to visit or live! It has a very nice commercial district, a small French Quarter (mardi gras started in Mobile), and exceptionally friendly folks. The original Double Mint Twins grew up in Fairhope. We had a great lunch in a small pub, walked around and spoke with lots of very nice and welcoming people. We also learned about the Jubilee. Mobile Bay is also known for the Jubilee, a phenomenon that you can learn about here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mobile_Bay_jubilee ; it seemed that all of the conditions were ripe for us to experience the Jubilee, but, alas, we did not. I did, however, purchase a Home of the Jubilee in a Fairhope store.

As it turns out, this area of Alabama, including Point Clear and Fairhope, is in the book, One Thousand Places to Visit Before You Die http://www.1000beforeyoudie.com/m/

New Orleans Reflections

2009-07-13T16:22:00.000-07:00

I am sitting here in my bedroom in Point Clear, Alabama. We arrived on Friday and we have had a houseful of my son's family. It has been great, but, more on that later. My younger son was here for just the weekend and then headed back to New Orleans with his girlfriend. Getting time to spend with everyone, especially our grandson, has been, you guessed it, priceless. A final thought for now about that: Children need to be surrounded by love. It is pretty simple really.

Our time in New Orleans was fabulous. We had a wonderful time, especially taking our grandson or our son's dog for a walk. The sites and sounds of the city are so diverse and add so much to the city's renewed vitality. At left, above, is the Pagoda House on St. Charles. Above, on the right, is the stadium where the Zephyrs play.A dinner at Pascal's Manale, with or without oysters, is an experience that I strongly recommend. We had a great time, going to watch the Zephyrs play; their first baseman went 4 for 4 with 2 home runs and a double. On Thursday night, we made in to Vaughn's where we saw one of our favorite performers, Kermit Ruffins. The music was great, the dancing was spirited, and the red beans and rice was free. There is a small cover charge, but the beers were on $2.50 and once you hear Kermit call out, "All aboard", be prepared to party. We had a chance to chat with him briefly creating an additional show on the dance floor. before and after the first set. Uncle Lionel was there, dancing and adding to the ambiance and energy on tthe dance floor. Heather Graham was there too, enjoying herself, with some friends on the dance floor. Below: Kermit, Vaughn's, Pascal's Manale on Napolean:

In our week there, once again, we only barely touched the tip of the iceberg. The city is unique among American cities, a real treasure that by visiting you can not only have an expreience that you won't forget, but you will also be helping its economy grow.

From Tuscaloosa to New Orleans

2009-07-08T04:49:00.000-07:00

The ride from Tuscaloosa to New Orleans was pretty uneventful. We did however get some real summer weather with temperatures in the mid-nineties. Meanwhile, back at home, the temperature was barely 70 degrees with more rain and cloudy skies. One can almost feel the summer slipping away in the northeast.

Driving on I-10 heading west into the city, you can get a sense of the ongoing rebirth of the city in the almost four years since Katrina. There are definitely noticeable improvements, at least on the surface. There is still a long way to go. But it is so important that this amazing place continues it renaissance.

So we finally arrived in New Orleans to see our sons, daughter in-law, grandson, in-laws, and friends. It is special being in a home with a young child. Our grandson is 22-months old. There is something to be said for the sounds of a young child in a home, from the pitter-patter of footsteps to the joys of playing with mommy and daddy. As parents, we are always hoping that our children experience success, however they may define it, love, wherever they find it, and peace, from whatever spiritual guides they discover.

From Virginia to Alabama

2009-07-03T05:21:00.000-07:00

Just a brief note today. It is about 7:20 AM, here in Tuscaloosa. We stayed at a Comfort Inn. Those coupon books they have at the Welcome Stations along the interstate can save you a lot of money. We saved about $30.00 on the room over the regular rate. made pretty good time, except for a speeding ticket stop (79 in a 65 mph zone). I guess Virginia is not really for lovers, after all. A simple warning would have sufficed.

We also played the word game that we invented. We will share it with the world at the right time. The world really needs another good game that parents can play with kids, especially in the car and even at home. Enough with the video games. This one will have be great for road trips and for living rooms. It will be challenging, fun, and for those among you who like games like Pictionary, will include a "full-contact" version. Just a little more tweaking....

Tuscaloosa is another college town. I am going to hypothesize that college towns are good places to visit and/or stop along the way when you are travelling. The folks here are very nice. The Comfort Inn is not the newest hotel, but the night manager, Michael, was very accommodating and it is clean. The breakfast has all you need (coffee) to get the day started. Fox News Morning isn't my favorite, but that is what's on and besides, I am writing and checking email anyway.

We ate at a Cracker Barrel (actually we did take-out). I really don't get Cracker Barrel. I had a catfish sandwich with cole slaw. The sandwich was okay, nothing special and the cole slaw was good. I think it is the second time (it might be the first) that I had a Cracker Barrel meal. The best part was waiting for the food, checking out all the old style penny candy, toys, etc. and talking with the other people. I guess if it is there and you are hungry, you might as well check one out.

We should be in New Orleans by mid-day and we can't wait to get there.

Oh yeah, as promised, here's Buster:

Better than Wonderful and Cats are Smarter than People

2009-07-02T03:00:00.000-07:00

So, we got ready to get on the road yesterday. It is now about 5:45 AM and I am sitting in the lounge area of a Hampton Inn in Winchester, VA where we spent the night. Winchester is a nice small city, a college town, although I forget the name of the school here.

So as we tried to get a reasonable start, we had the car packed and all that was left to do was take our cat, Buster, to this place called Puppy Tails or Tales, where he stays when we go away for a long stretch. I guess as one gets older, we ask our friends to do less and realize that as adults, we have to pay for certain things. Also, that way, friends will be there when things don't quite work out. Like getting Buster to Puppy Ts. He knew something was up and took off for our cellar (not to be confused with a basement). There are lots of hiding places down there and nothing we could do was able to get him to come out, not food, not even the little laser toy that he loves to chase around (maybe he really doesn't like to chase it around, after all). So we decided we had to get going. We made arrangements with a friend to bring Buster to Puppy Ts later on or today (which was at that point, tomorrow).

We hit several intense thunder storms in Connecticut and Pennsylvania. I took a couple of pictures and videos with my cell phone just because I could and I figured it could turn out to be something to write about at another time.

It was better than wonderful to finally see some sun after all of the gray and rainy days at home. The folks at this Hampton Inn are very nice. I am getting used to being an AARP member. After we checked in we looked for something to eat. As we were pretty tired, we opted for KFC; it has been many years between KFC visits. While it was not better than wonderful, the grilled chicken breast dinner (1 piece) was pretty darn good. All in all, dinner for two for a little over $11 was not bad at all. And so far, so good on the digestion side of things. That is always a plus.

Hopefully more pictures and videos to follow, and I have to get one of Buster..

On the Road Again

2009-06-30T17:25:00.000-07:00

Time to finish up the packing for the Summer 2009 road trip. I love being on the road with my wife more than just about anything. While traveling, we invented two games that sooner or later, we will finalize the rules and share them with the world. Meanwhile, in this neck of the woods, a little north of Boston, it rained twenty-eight out of the thirty days in June. The picture to the right pretty much sums up the whole month.

We are headed to New Orleans to spend time with our wonderful family. I know that my wife cannot wait to give our grandson and big hug and a kiss. She will be known as "Bella" and I will be "Pop pop". We love it when we hear him say, "Byebye" and "Loveyu" on the phone. And I can't wait to see him and everyone else as well. New Orleans, here we come.

This is just a quick one as I wanted to touch base with y'all before heading out. And I simply had to share the photo. I hope to share more from the road.

Happy Birthday Dad

2009-06-27T05:20:00.000-07:00

I was able to spend my father's birthday with him and to capture some of it on video. I got some footage of him talking about WWII with his friend Ron and me after we went out for dinner. I will have to figure out how to edit those videos, given the constraints of this blog. Meanwhile, this brief video sums up my visit with him. God bless.

By the way, while I am on the subjects of fathers and cancer, please check out http://dadity.wordpress.com/the-light-upstairs/ or http://www.brendynschneider.com for works by Brendyn Schneider (how I met him is another story) and to meet Joe and Heidi, a couple of new friends please check this site http://www.lifeonglencove.com/battling_cancer.aspx.

After Father's Day

2009-06-22T06:24:00.000-07:00

Father’s Day is usually a time that I reflect about my dad and my role as a father. First, let us talk about my dad.

I had a chance to visit him again earlier this month. Usually, I try to visit either for his birthday or for Father’s Day. This year it was his birthday. He turned 89 on June 3. His health has declined somewhat since my last visit in March. In March, he was not able to leave the nursing home, but this time, we were able to get out for a ride to the store and hot dogs (Nathan’s Famous) at his apartment. The activity left him tired, but happy to spend some time away from his room and to enjoy the hot dog with onions, sauerkraut, mustard, and ketchup, along with some French fries. I was also able to go out for dinner with one of his friends. Our destination was Scrubby’s, one of my father’s favorite eateries. He loves the ribs there and is always on the look out for coupons to eat-in or take-out from Scrubby’s. One of his friends, Ron, was able to join us. After dinner, we had a long talk about WWII, some of which I hope to post here. Ron is pictured with my dad in the photo.

As I have thought a lot about my father lately, I realize that he has a very unique assortment of friends. Since my mother died in January 2001, these friends have been so important to my dad and also to me.

Stewart is from Jamaica and is probably about sixty years old. He cherishes the relationship that he and my dad have. They have been very close friends for about 9 years now. My dad was an usher at Stew's wedding. Stew is especially sensitive to how my dad is feeling and really watches over him. He visits and calls regularly and pays special attention to my father's needs. Together they form a formidable political team.

Denise is about forty. She has a son, Demetri who is about ten years old. Denis is from one of the islands, but I am not sure which one. She met my dad when he needed some in home care after an accident. Denise and my dad became good friends; she would help him out at the apartment and he would watch Demetri. My dad loves to stay in touch with them and appreciates every visit and phone call. Denise works as hard as anyone I know.

Ron is a Jewish man who loves camping and fishing. I question whether or not he really is Jewish. Ron is a gourmet chef and can tell you where to buy the freshest meats and dairy product, fruits and vegetables in the area. Ron is in his early sixties. He constantly keeps my dad supplied with good food, when he can. He made him some great chicken soup when my dad was not feeling well.

Pedro is about 45 years old. He is from Central America (Guatemala or Columbia) and has included my father in many family celebrations. One New Year's Eve, Pedro and his large extended family took my dad to party. They were out until about 3:00 AM. Even though Pedro has moved about fifty minutes away, he still picks up my dad's mail. He also has enjoyed going out to dinner with my father.

I don't know how to explain and eighty-nine year old man from the Bronx with these friends who have so little in common, except for their friendship. I guess that's it: friendship and how sustaining it is to our lives.

Happy Father's Day!

The So-called Warm Market

2009-06-11T12:32:00.000-07:00

Thanks for coming! You made it this far and now there is just a little ways to go. I decided to change the focus of this blog, but keep it to its original intent, stories. If you know me personally, you know that the last two and one-half years have seen their share of highs and lows and a great deal of introspection. Much of the time has been spent on trying to make a living that is ethical, treats others and the environment with respect (is that redundant?), and provides some flexibility. The flexibility is for family and personal reasons.

As my so-called warm market, I want to share with you the following. But before I do, I must explain what a "warm market" is. Most would agree, at least anyone who has spent time in the Direct Marketing, Network Marketing, Multi-Level Marketing, and related trenches, would agree that one's warm market consists of friends, ex-coworkers, family, and members of groups and organizations that one belongs to. In theory, these are the folks who should trust you, respect your decisions, and enjoy your success just about as much as they may enjoy their own.

So over this time, I embarked upon a search of all things Internet, especially related to making a living. I explored endless numbers of "work-at-home" sites, "work-from-home" sites, and home-based businesses. I learned about social networking and have spent a lot of time on LinkedIn and Twitter, business web sites, the Better Business web site, and Ning, among others. And I used some of the functionality of AOL Desktop (Who owns this website?) in conjunction with the Better Business Bureau. I found some names that kept popping up. Every time I thought I found something worthwhile, Ann Seig would talk me out of it. I gave a lot of thought to one of the "hot" network marketing companies (Xango), but was about two years too late and even considered becoming an Independent Researcher or Associate. Ultimately, I landed on Bookwise.com and thought I found just what I was looking for. But Bookwise was to morph and morph again, finally becoming iLearning Global. I have learned a lot from this experience and from iLearning Global itself, a web site packed with great teaching and powerful tools for individual and organizational growth and development. As a bonus, it offers a business opportunity, as well. For information about this, please check: http://www.ilearningglobal.biz/stan2786

I also found myself thinking about other opportunities and I came upon one that I investigated thoroughly. This one is for people who are serious about personal health and the environment and are willing to make some minor changes in their lifestyle, thereby promoting a healthier planet. Again, this can include a business opportunity and in this opportunity, the support and training are available, literally 24/7, including personal coaching, Internet training, and homework to help you become successful. Check this site www.melaleuca.com and if you find that you are interested in the life changing products or the business opportunity, let me know.

In my next post, I will bring you up to date on my "real" work.

Best to all,

Stan

Why People Should Visit New Orleans Again

2008-07-22T08:11:00.000-07:00

I am waiting at the Louis Armstrong International Airport. That's one reason to visit New Orleans; where else do you get an airport named after a music, make that a jazz, legend? I have to get to my gate, now. So while I run to catch my plane, consider these other reasons:

Kermit Ruffins

The Rock and Bowl.

Rebirth and hope.

City Park.

NOMA.

Streetcars (sculpture). and, of course,

Lucky Dogs!

Visit for a few days, anytime. You are bound to hear some great music, eat some great food, and meet some new friends

The Coat Ceremony

2008-07-03T17:50:00.000-07:00

At the college I went to, SUNY at Binghamton, now Binghamton Unitversity, there was an annual rite of the passing of winter and the start of spring. The Stepping on Coat Ceremony started in 1962 by members of the Off Campus College and continues to this day. As I recall, it was pretty simple: at the appointed hour on the appointed day, students gathered outside the Student Union and someone threw a winter coat on the ground and it got stomped. End of ceremony, start of party. A few years ago, I was saddened when I learned that the person who started the tradition passed away.

While working at United Way in Boston, I kept a sport coat available just in case. One never knew when you needed to make an impression or keep warm. I had an old Arnold Palmer vintage 1984 herringbone jacket with the proverbial patches on the elbows that I kept in the closet at 51 Sleeper St. At a certain point, I along, with any number of other folks, some more successful than others, began to test the waters and looked for new jobs. So, when necessary, I would sneak over to the closet, grab the jacket and head off to my interview. When I got back, I usually had the jacket folded up and replaced it in the closet. At a certain point in time, I began to joke with my good friend and cube-mate, Liz, that when I finally got a new job, I would toss the jacket in the Channel outside the office and next to the Children's Museum as my own take on the above mentioned coat ceremony. Of course, all of this was before I headed to Florida in February 2007. I did, however, leave the coat there, in the closet at 51 Sleeper St. I've gone back to visit a couple of time to see my friends and colleagues and to check on the coat.

Now that I have a new job and have picked up some consulting work, I have a dilemma. Should I indeed go through with the ceremony or get the coat? It's really not a bad coat and in my new office, it would be nice to have something just in case. If I have the ceremony, I will need to put some planning into it, invite a few friends, get it on video, take photos, maybe even a press release. Also, if it is illegal to throw things in the Channel, I will have to get bailed out of jail or pay a fine. I'm not sure which direction to go in.

Back in the Swing of Things

2008-06-23T16:47:00.000-07:00

Day 2 at my new job. More to follow with some written work and some links to my life in my new pursuit of spiritualy, personal, and professional fulfillment, with the emphasis on the spritual. I read Eckhart Tolle's latest book and had a very wonderful and long discussion with my dear friend Mike (http://www.artofliving.org/); my father became interested in Tolle's work after I recounted my conversation with Mike while also talking with one of my dad's good friends, Denise. So, with that in mind, here is the latest video:

My New Toy

2008-06-18T18:26:00.000-07:00

I bought a new RCA Small Wonder the other day. I have been intrigued by these gadgets for a while. The most popular are the Flip. RCA (actually Audiovox) licenses the technology from this group and puts out the Small Wonder. In the last few weeks, Creative has released the Vado, another small video camera. Here's the first video, about three minutes long, of me driving home from Fitchburg, MA (more on my new job and consulting experiences later). In the background is a song by Robert Forster from his new album "The Evangelist."

Eventually, I want to capture some of my father's memories, as well as, others. I can't wait to get to New Orleans to get some video of our grandson and our extended family from Nawlins.

I start working on Friday at a great organization in Salem, Children's Friend and Family. I will be directing their Mentor Program. I will be allowed to continue doing my consulting work through a flexible schedule. Several months back, I was offered the opportunity to do some teacher training at an organization in Boston. The V.P. for Quality used to work for me many years ago. She asked if I was interested in helping teachers at two program sites learn a web-based program for assessing children's growth, preparing lesson plans, doing progress reports, etc. I am so happy that she asked. I wound up on a list of trainers that the state provided to programs and picked up three more consulting jobs. It keeps me involved in two areas I am passionate about: working with teachers and technology. The video in this installment was done after a session last Saturday. I hope you like it.

The Scooter and the Cell Phone

2008-05-05T13:34:00.000-07:00

Some recent developments. As of this past weekend, my father decided that he no longer wants the scooter (again). Apparently sometime on Friday or Saturday, he decided to take the scooter for a ride. Of course, he had his cell phone with him. What isn't clear though, is whether or not the phone works and/or if he knows how to use it. He found himself in unfamiliar territory and got a little disoriented. He tried to call someone (not sure who) with the cell phone, but couldn't reach anyone. After several tries, he gave up and after a few minutes, he regained his orientation and rode the scooter back to the nursing home. I think that he is pretty sure about giving up the scooter for good, this time. He told me that, "It just isn't what I wanted. I thought I could go seven or eight miles with it. It can only go two or three and it is so slow. And I have to return this cell phone. It doesn't work."

"Okay dad. If that's what you want to do, it's fine. What about the cell phone? Are you sure that it is charged up? Why don't you bring it back to the store where you got it and have them take a look at it."

It is May 5th, Cinqo de Mayo (I think that is how it is spelled). Let see the status of the scooter and the cell phone in a few days.

It's Been A While

2008-04-28T16:46:00.000-07:00

Let's see, since the last posting, a lot has happened. Just a couple of weeks ago, I got a call from Nurse Barbara, at the Nursing Home. It seems that my father wanted to go out and there was a bit of a controversy about that. The agreement was that he could go out as long as he had his cell phone. "Of course," I agreed. "Well, last time he went out and we could not reach him." The bottom line, my father had the cell phone, but did not know how to turn the cell phone on. Anyone who tried to call reached voice mail. Finally, after much back and forth, my father turned the phone on and went out for a ride on the scooter.

I have had several interviews since my last posting. Interviews can really take a lot of you. I also started doing some consulting, working with a child care organization in Boston. Someone who worked for me many years ago needed someone to help train teacher at two Early Education Centers on a web-based application. I am happy to do this work; it keeps me busy and gets me out in the field.

Finally, I started an online business. I investigated a bunch of work-at-home and similar opportunities. I almost got into one of them, but then after lots of soul searching, I decided that it wasn't for me. After lots of checking, "Who Owns this Website" (thank you AOL) and the Better Business Bureau, I signed on with Bookwise. I love to read and enjoy talking about books, music, movies, etc. So, I am an official online bookseller. Check out the site; if you are interested you can become a bookseller too. Or you could just help me out, by buying your books and movies from me:
http://www.mybookwise.com/stansbookstore/

The Cell Phone

2008-03-24T17:09:00.001-07:00

After my mother passed away in January 2001, my father began to modernize. One of his neighbors gave him an ancient Compaq laptop and before you knew it my dad was on AOL and regularly getting updates from moveon.org, travel web sites, and Haband. This was well before the back and forth with the Scooter Store. Eventually, my father realized that he needed a cell phone and so an almost six year relationship with Verizon began. After initial trial and error, he got the hang of the phone and all was well. However, every now and again, I would go through the phone and clean up any number of accidentally saved, incorrect, and otherwise incomplete or unusable numbers and/or listings. And forget about voice mail and passwords.

As the first contract ended, of course he had to get an upgrade and a new two-year contract. In his defense though, back then, he was very busy and it was important that he could be reached when he wasn't home. After he got very sick, though, and wound up in the nursing home, the need for the cell phone diminished. Of course, that did not stop him from renewing his contract, getting a new phone, trading that one in, getting one that didn't work well, losing that one, finding that one, and eventually having a phone that was unusable for a good deal of the two-year contract. So in Novemeber 2006, the contact came to an end and that was that.

Of course my father wanted a new phone. I guess if he wandered down the hall or to the dining hall, he wanted to make sure that he could be reached. Just about every week, he let me know about the latest offers. So for Christmas, I sent him a Tracfone with enough minutes for a year. Or so I thought.

When I arrived in Florida in February, he could not locate the phone. So we looked into trying to get it replaced. After close to three hours on the phone with the Tracfone folks, we were ready to close the deal. But, for some reason, none of my credit cards would go through. I gave up. And so we went back to the weekly deals and why they were or weren't such good deals until last week.

You may recall that my father got a scooter courtesy of the VA. After using it for a while, he and the VA decided that he needed a sturdier one. The nursing home folks, meanwhile, concerned for his well-being decided that if he was to use the scooter, they needed to know where he was and needed to be able to contact him. In short, they required that he have a cell phone.

Dad: "Stan, so what should I do?"
Stan: "Have one of your friends take you to Walmart or Walgren's and get a Tracfone. That way, you can have it and it should be all set up for you." (This was on a Monday.)

On Tuesday, during the nightly phone call, my father told me that he spent 2 1/2 hours on the phone with Tracfone and he should be receiving his new phone in a few days.

On Thursday, my father's friend Pedro (another story) called me. "Stan, write down this number." And so he gave me the new cell phone number. My father had called Pedro and asked him to pick up a Tracfone at Walmart (or Walgren's) and so Pedro was calling to give me the new number.

"But Dad, what about the phone you ordered?" "Oh, they told me that when the Fedex comes not to accept it and to send it back."

On Monday, the Fedex arrived. Someone accepted the package. So for the time being, my father had 2 phones. "Dad, so now what?" "I'll have to get someone to mail one back. I'll just have to pay for the postage." "But didn't I tell you to have someone just go and pick one up? Instead, you spent hours on the phone ordering one. Then, while that one was on the way, you had Pedro pick up another one. Now you have to get someone to send back the original one. I just don't understand why you can't listen to me."

I guess it is all about payback.

Why People Should Visit New Orleans

2008-03-07T14:43:00.000-08:00

New Orleans has suffered long enough. The devastation of Hurricane Katrina and the poor response by our federal government have been well documented. It is up to all caring people to think about what can be done to help bring New Orleans as far back as possible to what it once was.

Honestly, New Orleans was not my first choice for a vacation. And, for all intents and purposes, I would much rather be on a beach somewhere than in the French Quarter. But with my sons, grandson, and wonderful in-laws there I can't wait to go back. So for those of you who don't have family there, I recommend the following: plan to spend three to five days in New Orleans.

Why:

1. The streetcars are running again.

2. Audubon Park is a great place to spend time with your family.

3. The Zoo is first rate.

4. If you like to shop for those one of a kind items, check out Magazine St. and the French Quarter.

5. The food is phenomenal.

6. The music.

7. Get a Lucky Dog.

8. You have to experience the French Quarter.

9. There are some great hotels.

10. All things Cajun and Creole.

11. The French Market.

12. The Riverwalk.

13. The New Orleans Museum of Modern Art.

But, most of all, we can't let this one of a kind American city fail. Just by spending a few days in New Orleans, you will have an experience of a lifetime and you will be doing something good. You will hear stories from those whoe survived Katrina. You will experience the changes taking place each day as the city undergoes change. You will help a merchant survive another month by buying a book, a trinket, a CD, some pralines or beignets, or a piece of art. You will help people in the Crescent City know that you care. Just ask someone how they are doing and be prepared to listen because if you really are interested, they will tell ya.

Spend a few days and a few dollars in a great American city. Y'all will want to go back.

More on Dad

2008-02-23T10:40:00.000-08:00

If you read the title (More on Dad) too quickly, it just doesn't sound right.

In March 2004, my dad wound up in the nursing home. We referred to it as "the Rehab" without fail for the first three years after he was admitted. I guess it was a little bit of denial, since nursing home sounds so final, and rehab sounds like a positive (see Amy Winehouse). Then, in February 2007, when I got there, we started to, slowly but surely, call it the nursing home, I guess sensing that things were starting to wind down. I could tell, because the stubbornness that was so much a part of my father was gone.

After my father gave up his car and much of his independence, he wanted a scooter. And so, literally, every time we spoke, which was just about every day, he would ask, “What do you think about a scooter?” I was adamantly opposed for the longest time. I just did not think it would be safe for him. But just about every time he saw one of the Scooter Store commercials, he went on the Internet and signed up for the free information. He would send his information to them and they would respond with an email and a link, back to the same request for information. Every time he got an email from the Scooter store, he would click the link and respond. And so they would reply with another email, resulting in another click, etc., etc. The scooter emails and discussions went on for about eighteen months. Finally, in November 2006, I said, "No," once and for all.

As I have explained earlier, once my father started to rebound, from a sense of "waiting to die" to "wanting to live" his activity level increased dramatically. And as his activity level increased, the stubbornness and the Scooter Store discussions (and eventually emails) began, once again. By June 2007, I told my father, "What do I know. I'm sure they don't just let anyone have one of these things. There must be some way to make sure someone is a good candidate for one of these things or not. If you want one, you are going to have to help get one." And so the next chapter in the search for a scooter began.

We checked in with the Scooter Store (great marketing); we spoke with the local independents competitors of the Scooter Store; we talked with the doctors; and we talked with the folks at the nursing home. Finally, we figured out what we needed to do. All in all, with the appropriate documentation from his doctor and with little in the way of resources, it looked like the VA would be the best option. Just before I came home in August 2007, the process with the VA started. By the way, since I have been home and he has resumed his involvement in some volunteer work, watching television, the occasional dinner with friends, and constantly hoping for me to get a job, we are back to calling it "the Rehab."

Sometime, in mid-December, my dad got his scooter. I went down to visit with him to see how he was doing, get a look at the scooter, and visit a bit. We had a great few days, including a visit to a breakfast sponsored by his state rep, some Scrubby's (his favorite barbecue), and lots of solving the problems of the world. I came home on a Wednesday. On that Friday, at about 6:20 PM, the nurse from the nursing home (rehab) called.

"This is Barbara, from the Rehab. Do you know where your father is? He went on the scooter at about 3:00 and he has not returned. Do you know where he might be?" I shared my thoughts with her and started to check in with the likely suspects. Apparently, he took his VA-issued scooter without telling anyone at the nursing home exactly where he was going. Apparently, he went to his apartment; the 2.5 miles taking about a half hour. To get there, he had to cross at least one major intersection with three lanes of traffic going in each direction. Somewhere along the way, the scooter tipped over. After righting it, he went to the apartment, poked around a bit, and then realizing that it was getting late, and not sure how long the scooter's charge would last, he headed back to the Rehab (can you hear Amy “No! No! No!”). He finally arrived back at the nursing home, a little worse for the wear, the scooter's battery dead, fortunate that he found someone to bring him (and the scooter) back. He arrived there at about 6:45 PM. Until Barbara called back, I pictured myself on a plane to Florida the next day.

Needless to say, he caused a great deal of family and nursing home consternation. If you have ever had to fill out an incident report, you can imagine what the folks at the rehab had to do. On Saturday morning, we spoke about what happened. Somewhat sheepishly, my father admitted that maybe he made a mistake. He had his shot with the scooter and it didn’t work out. He planned to call them and have them pick it up. The folks at the VA were concerned that he no longer wanted this scooter, one that he fought to get for so long. Long story short, he got his newer, better, sturdier, scooter in mid-January.

Blog the First

2008-02-20T15:35:00.000-08:00

This is my first posting. For anyone who gets here, I am welcome to the feedback. God knows, I can use some. Long story (see this is about stories), I have been out of work since last Febuary. I flew done to Florida to be with my very sick (cancer) father (that is another story). His doctor gave him four to six months to live and so I decided to stay there for the duration.

I flew down during a snow and ice storm that crippled much of the air travel in the eastern half of the country. When I got to his condo (he is in a nursing home...yes, you guessed it...another story), it was about 3:30 in the morning and my luggage was missing. It was also very cold in Florida. While the condo is only 2.5 miles from the nursing home, it was a long walk later that morning with only a light jacket. When I got to my dad's room, he was in bed, literally at death's door. And that is pretty much where he stayed for weeks and months. Of course there were some good, if not great moments, like Sam Schwartz Day in Tamarac on February 28th 2007; but there are many stories to tell.

So we prepared for death. We got a psycholigist involved (another story). We stopped his treatments and got hospice services involved. Friends and family came to visit (more stories) and so we waited for death. But, in late May/early June, my father chose to "live" instead of "waiting to die." So, by mid-August, I was on my way back home with plenty of stories to add to the collection.

During those months, my wife was great and held down the fort. My older son, Mick, got marrie in New Orleans to a wonderful woman, Caroline. Scout Nicholas was born on September 7th. And my younger son Ben was a lifesaver, coming to Florida for a few weeks to help me out.

So, here I am, with a graduate degree and far too many years in education and the world of nonprofits, trying to find a job and trying to figure out what I am good at so I can get paid, at least a little to contibute to the family's well-being. After all, I have resposibilities now, a grandson in New Orleans and grown up children that I wish weren't so far away. And of course, it's nice to buy flowers for your wife once in a while.

More stories to come.