Dad Rests

I am in Florida, in the waiting area at the nursing home where my father is asleep. Fortunately, there is a wifi connection here. Unfortunately, the signal is very weak in my father's little room, one that he shares with another man.

On the way over, a car passed me and there was one of those stick-on messages on the car's rear window. The message was "In memory of my dad". So it got me to thinking a little, about my dad. He spends most, if not all, of the day in his bed. He goes in and out of sleep. He weighs just under one hundred pounds. His skin is very fragile. When I came down for his birthday, in June, he was very weak, but stayed awake most of the time. Also we were able to go out for dinner on his birthday to Scrubby's, a barbecue and rib place that he loves. Now, just a few weeks later, and I don't know if he will ever get out of bed again. It certainly seems as though we won't be able to get out of here. His skin is too tender and he is just so frail. And yet, he still wants certain things, like certain foods and to be around certain people.

The other night, I picked up some Chinese food and his friends, Stewart, Ron, and Denise stopped by. Last night, it was Nathan's hot dogs, courtesy of the Miami Subs place on University. Today, at Ron's suggestion, we will gather here at 4:30. Ron is a great cook and when I spoke with him yesterday, he was well on his way with some barbecued chicken, macaroni salad, potato salad, etc. I hope that Denise will be able to join us as Stew and Ron (of course) already confirmed. Pedro, my dad's other close friend, will also be here.

As we draw closer to the end of my father's life, I realize how much I will miss him. I realize how important he makes me feel, simply for doing what it seems like I should be doing. Over these past two and one-half years, each time, my father's condition deteriorated, he bounced back, putting on weight, and through sheer force of will or stubbornness, depending on your perception, he put death on hold in favor of whatever life offered. I know that there were several times when I thought we would finally lose him, but this time, I know it is different. I hope he is comfortable and I hope he is not afraid. I gotta get going now.